Joe is yelling at the trees again.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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