Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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