he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
