i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
