I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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