im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
