He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
