Pants 0. Shit 1.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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