Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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