dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
