my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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