I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
