Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
