i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
