I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
