i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
