census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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