wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
