why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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