If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize