You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
