I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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