Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
