Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
