I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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