1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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