I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just found puke in my bra..
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
