I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
