She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
