you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
