hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
