I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
this hospital has no fireball
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
