Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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