john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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