she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
