My first STD was from a foam party
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
