fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
