Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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