im six kinds of drunk right now
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
