Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We smell like vodka and hangover
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
