just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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