A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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