i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
