Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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