I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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