you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
