You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize