found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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