I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
