I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
