He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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