just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
