When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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