I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
