After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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