I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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