This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
