did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
