i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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