She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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