I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
That was before I lit my hair on fire
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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