Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
