Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
