so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
