So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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