a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just found puke in my bra..
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
